Move That Dope

Move that Dope

My stress level is at an all time high.

I landed a new gig a last year that’s prepping me for the C-Suite in the coming years. I’m the only black chick on the team in a highly-visible department ideating millionaire dollar ideas for a major media outlet. There’s no room for error or slacking….especially for me. Outside of work – my social life is demanding and the streets are ALWAYS calling. When I have a moment to lay down AND lay up…the last thing I need is

 Weak Dick.

I used to be concerned with maintaining, or portraying, a certain image. Dealing with the okie-doke because I’m a woman of “higher standards” and should date men on a certain level…blah, blah, blah. But let me tell you something about that project blue collar penis. The type that still know how to change the oil in your car. The type that can replace a leaky faucet and build kitchen cabinets. The type that puts butter on toast before putting it in the toaster [bottom of the oven]. The type that likes to slip into, and still buys, Jordan flip flops to make a quick run to the store. The type that was raised in Marcy projects but now owns a home in Moncler, NJ with a few hundred stacks under the mattress…because he’s saving for retirement. The type that loves his mama and still goes to her  storefront church in the hood even though the membership is nonexistent & the pastor has a side bitch on the deacon board. The type that likes to buy his weed by the jar.  The aforementioned have one thing in common that blows any financier, doctor, lawyer most out the water..

Dope Dick.

Now this isn’t a shot at men who fall outside of this realm. Nor is this a debate about dating up or down. I’m attracted to, and prefer,  men with something more to offer outside of a nice salary. The perfect man for me would have one foot in the hood, the other in corporate America. And since that combination is rare – I look for a man that reeks ambition, has a vision & a plan for life, someone who is marriage-minded,  knows how to make $1 out of $0.15,  a master of delegation & compromise, knowledgeable, a protector, provider, family -oriented, and most importantly

a Strong Back and Tender Heart.

I like the braids holding down my sew-in weave to be a little wet from a night with you. I want you to be able to take me to a place where I can’t focus on nothing but making sure your strokes, my vagina kung-fu-grip-kegal-move, and breathing…are all on one accord. I should be teary-eyed and filled with joy. My face should be hot & numb from just the thought of you.  And if I drop another 15-20lbs, I should be swinging from your neck – #NoShowerRods. In fact, according to one of my home girls,

My ass should be on up on the ceiling…back curled up like a cat..backing it up on you.

There’s no room in my #unbothered life for bad sex. I used think that love conquers all and that cuddling was more fulfilling than 2 mins of mediocre, shrinking penis. But fuck that.  Since there isn’t a plentiful supply of Xanax & Jack Daniels – and it isn’t healthy – good lovin’ is an absolute must. Between a long day in the office and fist fights in the check-out line at Trader Joes, I’m stressed 75% of the time.  Not sure what Steve Harvey was smoking, or if girls really adhere to the 90 day rule, but sex is very important & is typically the 1st test (or measure) for long-term relationship success, or compatibility, with me.  I’m not waiting 90 days to figure that out. And yes – you guessed it – it’s deal-breaker. Stand-up, church-going, single, & successful males are not hard to come by. That’s why they’re running these streets wild. But finding someone that encompasses everything on your vision board with great sex??? Not so much.

Is sex a deal-breaker for you? Would you be willing to stick it out with someone that wasn’t great in bed? Do you agree with my sentiments? Or is it my raging-hormones?

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One Reply to “Move That Dope”

  1. Love this post! I used to think I just didn’t like sex until I divorced my husband and had the most amazing sex of my life with someone else. At that point I realized I just didn’t like bad or mediocre sex and it most definitely became a deal breaker. For the five years after divorce and until I found my One an unmoving, uneventful roll in the hay ended a relationship. Instantly.

    In this day, at least in my life, with stress at an all time high for a variety of reasons, I do not have time to have bad sex.

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