Dating a Married Man…No Longer Taboo?

Denzel and Sanaa.

Hubby in the Clubby

For the 1st time in years, I decided to switch up my look and opt for a relaxer – hanging up my weave (literally) until at least NYE 2013. My new ‘do was brought on by the start of a  new job in a highly visible role and the thought of potentially attracting a regular guy for once. FYI it’s a known fact that women, with good weaves… are high maintenance and typically attract douche-bag dudes.

My 1st week on the job involved a series of celebratory happy hours and dinner invites. On a random Wednesday night, I found myself at a local, Caribbean spot swinging my new hair and tossing back Gin cocktails. A friend and I were greeted by two attractive men who happened to have spotted us at a previous event just hours before.

I was in heavy, single-girl-with-a-fresh-perm mode. Flirting and smiling – hoping to land another free drink. Kevin, who owned several small internet businesses, seemed to be very sweet on me. We talked about life, career goals, and relationships – the typical happy hour banter.  As the hours rolled by, I became more and more hoe-like open. He sensed it, started throwing intense compliments, and then took the liberty of running his fingers through my hair, i.e. a scalp massage disguised as a weave check.

Now under normal, hoe single girl circumstances I’d welcome a scalp massage. But the lone diamond in his wedding band snagged a couple strands of my new hair. Fucking up my entire vibe and forcing him to reveal that he had just gotten married….2 weeks ago. He went on a tangent about how it was a business move …bullshit basically.  Not sure how I missed the band…but nonetheless

Ninja Check please.

Snag a Single Man Online

Online dating is no longer taboo. I’ve tried it in the past and had some success. Me and my girls would swap stories and screenshots…just to confirm that we’re not dating the same guy. My homegirl lucked up on OkCupid – she hit the jackpot quite a few times attracting other professionals and even a doctor.  She soon started dating a surgeon who appeared to be smitten by her. Due to their hectic, demanding schedules their dates were often planned ahead or routine in nature. She liked him. He liked her. I was happy for her because she’s a great woman and deserves a new, healthy relationship. He spoke of their future which involved kids and…marriage.  He initiated the relationship and actively pursued her for months. We caught up a couple weeks ago and I inquired about the boo. She had this to say:

Something didn’t seem right…I started picking up on subtle clues. I realized that I didn’t have his main number [had the number to his “work” cell]. He was very private and evasive about a lot of personal details. Come to find out he’s not a surgeon. He’s just a doctor.  And he’s married.   After confronting him, I sent a letter to the hospital [place of employment] explaining what he’s been up to in his office. I also sent his wife a gift from her wedding registry and told her that I met her husband on And I even gave her an earful as to what he’s been planning for me.

I’m sure he’ll be featured on an episode of Snapped real soon.

You See…The Way My Dick is Set Up

Comedian Kevin Hart recently celebrated his 4 year anniversary with his ex-mistress girlfriend Eniko. No big deal right? Well Kevin Hart filed for divorce in 2011. His youngest child was born in 2008. His marriage was the launching pad, or subject matter, of his highly successful stand up show – Seriously Funny (2010). I’m sure that him and his wife fucked at least once (or a million times) between the years of 2008-2010. Eniko, his girlfriend, was in fact the side chick. But according to Kevin,

Nobody knows MY life better than me, Nobody knows what I’ve been thru better than ME…..Nobody knows why I’ve made certain decisions in my life better than ME, Nobody knows how hard my road to success was better than ME…Nobody knows about my Relationship with my Family Friends & Girlfriend better than ME….so with that being said HOW CAN YOU JUDGE ME !!!

In an era where hoes stay winning , it’s hard to stay encouraged or respect the institution of marriage when encountering these types of men. Why get married?  I’m a firm believer in the old saying “the same way you get your man, will be the same way you lose him.” What concerns me about certain married men is their audacity and their openness. They’ll seek out single women on dating sites, at  bars,  church, work – you name it. Just for the thrill of something new.  I’ve heard stories of men, who carry leases to furnished apartments, create back-up Facebook pages, parent outside children for decades, and even propose to their woman on the side. All while maintaining a functioning household with their wives…and no intentions of divorcing. We live in a era of free background checks and google searches. How in the hell do you think you’ll get away with being married, fostering an outside relationship, holding a name like Bumbafuck Jackson and expect not to get caught-up?  This type of behavior is so commonplace that it’s no longer the main reason for divorce once revealed. The comfort level, and security, is quite alarming. There’s support groups, dating sites, news headlines, articles in Marie Claire (no shade), Serena Williams Naomi Campbell Sanaa Lathan Gabrielle Union celebs frolicking around town, hand and hand…with their married men as if nothing is wrong. I mean, what are you thoughts? Are you jaded by the stories or frequent encounters with married men? Is it a big deal anymore? What’s your take or observation? Let’s chat!

Oh Sanaa…




2 Replies to “Dating a Married Man…No Longer Taboo?”

  1. It never was taboo for women to date married men. Especially single women. I’ll nevercomprehend how and why the words “date” and “married men” being used in the same sentence. Anywhoo, I had an aunt who told me she had always been attracted to men already in relationships or married. From the time she was a young adult back in the 70’s up until she passed away at the age of 64, she “dated” married men. As far as I know she was involved with only one single man her whole life. While I was growing up, just about every black single female was creeping with another woman’s man/husban. These females prided themselves on laying up with as many men as possible. These females are now in their sixties (and older) and either still single or sneaking around on their man with another man. It’s never been taboo. These females view it as exciting, more fun, and funny because its a secret until the wife or girlfriend catches them.

    It doesn’t bother these females one bit that they are whores/hos. There are so many of them that it’s like a club. They have the support of old whores and the men they lay up with. That’s a helluva lot of members within the Cheating Club. Members of this club are disrespecting cheaters and liars who need to be put in their place. If cheating was a crime, there would be lots of people going in and out of jail. When I hear or see a lying cheater has HIV/AIDS, I don’t feel the least bit of sympathy for them. That’s exactly what they get. Unfortunately, those with HIV/AIDS have a funky attitude: If somebody infected them with HIV/AIDS, then they are gonna infect as many people as they can. That’s a damn shame but cheating ass liars don’t have no shame whatsoever. No shame in their game.

    I realize that I went off topic a bit, but not every cheater is as rich as Matthew. I’m talking about ordinary, everyday people like the janitors, the pastors, the lawyers, doctors, and countless others who cheat and lie as if it’s no big deal.

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