The Tortoise and The Hare 2013


No doubt about it. I’m a hoe.

I stare at random hotties on the street and the only thing that comes to mind is being picked up and shoved against my tufted headboard for hot, steamy sex. I will dismiss a slim dude in a heartbeat because he CAN’T be capable of blowing my back out. Older men have become more and more appealing because the best sex I’d ever had came from a 50 year old vet. Speaking of vet, I’m dating one. A marine and he is quite the tease. I’ve been “tracking” our relationship via my handy iPhone calendar and according to her – we should be fucking by now.

He’s a nice guy.

We met at a birthday gathering and I definitely didn’t think I’d end up getting his number. He was decent, not quite my ideal man, but nonetheless clean-cut, built and attractive…but a little out of my league. We talked for hours on in about food, music, NYC, and even relationships. After two hours of chatting, he asked, “Are you single? I’d like to keep in touch with you.” Great.

“Marine Dude” is easy to talk to. He’s thoughtful, super respectful and likes to tease me about my love for Ricky Rozay. He isn’t threaten by my resume. He’s a good listener and even manages to provide thoughtful, motivating advice when I’m having a stressful day at work. He doesn’t have kids and definitely wants a family. He has his own place, car, and a job. I’ve checked every nook and cranny of the web…it’s confirmed – he’s not gay.  More importantly, he hates flying and soca music…just like me. I’m not in love…but I can safely say we’re damn near soul mates. I like him.

I do not doubt the physical attraction between us but our level of intimacy is a little off. We hug, we hold hands in public, and he kisses my cheek – but that’s it. I haven’t received a sloppy tongue kiss, a lick on the neck, a request for an ass shot – nothing. Maybe I’m over reacting but is this normal?

I’ve been dealing with assholes for so long that I can’t seem to function in a normal courtship. Not sure if my hormones are off, or if he’s taking his sweet, precious time. I can admit that I’m not the most patient person in the world. And I should probably understand that his pace is likely a lot different from mine. I ran the kissing issue across my girlfriends and in unison, they declared – that’s weird. I shrugged the comment off because he’s not weird…but I’m starting to feel little antsy. Should I make the first move? Should I have my tits up and out on our next date? What to do?!


I like him. And I WILL have a husband by 2015 (I’ll be 30 and I’m claiming marriage). If not Marine Dude…someone else for sure! However, I’m going to allow myself to enjoy his company and take my time…keeping in line with his pace. He’s not weird. He’s just a nice guy who is exceptionally respectful. I want to enjoy getting to know him and seeing if he is truly a potential match before adding another notch to my belt. I will not be a slave to these Nuvaring hormones! Have you ever been in this situation? Dealing with a tortoise of a man? Should there be a timeline on “adult” physical contact?


One Reply to “The Tortoise and The Hare 2013”

  1. I don’t think there is a timeline on “adult” physical contact. Think about a baby learning to walk. Some walk within a year and others take a little longer. At the end of the day, when they are ready to take their first steps they will. Look past the “physical” contact. You’ve been there and done that. Where has it gotten you? (jeopardy music playing) Continue to get to know this dude. Although sex is important, it also complicates things. Once you open that door there’s no turning back . Enjoy the courtship and enjoy getting to know him. If something is supposed to will in due time. Shout out to the gentlemen!

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