This Can’t Be Life – Guest Post

I was having a conversation with my younger cousin about the dating perils that we women sometimes, or more than often, put ourselves in.  She said something that made me instantly think “Damn, she’s stupid and young…but this sounds like me just a few years ago… Sigh.”


 Met him in a club…on a drunken night. I don’t even remember getting his number! I fell for whatever it was he had going on that night. After a few dates I found him to be charming, poise, articulate, and well connected. At the tender age of 21/22, he had everything that I wanted in a man. After about a month of weird dates, we slept together.


 Now I’m hooked…and he knows it…and out the window goes his representative. My friends tried to save me but I refused to listen…

 The bullshit begins:

Memorial Day he decided to treat me to a trip to Miami – which consisted of me flying standby on AirTran (the $69 flight). I imagined that he was trying to save for our room at Lowe’s Hotel. Guess again.  He was completely missing in action for an entire day – forcing me to crash on the floor of a friend’s hotel room that happened to be staying in Miami. He finally arrives and not only are we not at Lowe’s or near the strip, we’re staying at his friend’s house. The chick doesn’t know we’re a couple and places us in separate bedrooms!! The sex on the beach the following day was amazing…so I let it slide.

We’re back in home, now he’s practically living with me, he’s driving my car, I’m snooping, he’s cheating, and he’s living out of his suitcase. I later discovered that he is not well connected. In fact, local celebrities know of him and have allowed him to tag along in the club – strictly for entourage duty. Outside of him being a groupie entourage member, there’s no real business being handle like he once claimed. His vocabulary consist of a mixture of words that he’s heard other intelligent people use over time and now that his representative is gone – all those BIG words are being used out of context!!

After 10 months, and tons of horror stories, I finally had that AH HA moment that nobody likes to have!

 “Bitch, where did your self-esteem go? You have your own place, car, a degree …WTF??? Are you really allowing this man to take over and dominate every fiber of your being and he’s not contributing a dime??? Are you trading all this bullshit you’re taking for SEX? A MAN??? THIS CAN’T BE LIFE!!!”

I like to consider myself the “Ultimate Optimist” because I’m always trying to see the best in any situation. Every rule in the game of dating goes completely out of the window when you’re hooked on someone. It’s like you’re held captive or you’re imprisoned in your own body. Your hobbies, interests and common sense are thrown out the window – forcing you into an exhausting, miserable one-dimensional world. Often times your friends, family, and life end up on the backburner to your man. I’ve taken all kinds of blind risk and been on an emotional roller coaster ride for this man. I’m thankful for maturity and experience – I can honestly say I’m a much better person for having gone through something like this.  I could have saved time and heartache by just listening to girlfriends and opening my eyes to those who have tried to help.

Have you ever had a “This Can’t Be Life” moment? Could listening have saved you?  What have you done to bring yourself back to reality? How have you handled dealing with friends in similar situations? Have you ever been sprung?


3 Replies to “Blublockers”

  1. Wow…what a terrible choice in men you’ve made in this one guy! You obviously want to belong to a relationship….you need to own the results of how badly you want a loving romance…. this guy shouldn’t have had your interest in the first place…

    Sprung? Yes…been there….will be more cautious before I am ever sprung again…


    1. Hi T ! What a bold blog you have there. I reached out to the guest blogger and this is her response:

      Thanks for the comment. This relationship lasted 10 months and ended years ago. Yes, it was a terrible choice and you’re absolutely correct about owning the responsibility for being in that situation, which is partially the reason this post was written. I have grown since that time and will never allow myself to be treated in this manner. I’m sharing my story to help someone who might not see past their “BluBlockers.”

  2. Sprung?…HECK YEAH!!! Sex sure complicates things but great sex puts you in a coma!

    Like you said though if not for some of the choices I made while in that coma state I wouldn’t have some of the knowledge I have now. I don’t regret them because it helped me become who I am but I sure look back and be like WTH??? LOL!

    I do try to listen better now and see things from the outside perspective and I try to share my experience with others to help them avoid that darn coma. 🙂

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