Curvy Girl Blues

I vowed that the next man I have sex with would be my boyfriend. And this vow was long before the release of Jumping the Broom. I really mean it this time. I was reminded that I’ve been a kitten one too many times this past weekend at a Memorial Day BBQ.

We never took it to that point but had I given him the green light, we would have definitely been sex buddies. I randomly met him out at a local spot in Harlem. My girls and I were celebrating over a few drinks and that’s when I spotted him, Collins. My days of fishing led me to the quiet guy in the corner, whom the bar staff was very familiar with. I assumed that he owned the place or an establishment nearby. They had his bottles already chilled and 1 wine glass set up – ready for serving. I made immediate eye contact.

I took a seat next to him and hit him with a smile and a soft “hello.” He asked what my girls and I were sipping on and proceeded to order a bottle for each of us.


We chatted, exchanged basic information, and flirted…the usual. Later that evening he was joined by several friends…all which had a little pocket change. My girl ended up meeting a nice gentleman, who happens to still be her man today. There’s hope ladies!

Collins was impatient and uncompromising…just like any other older man. He was direct, spoiled, stubborn, but sexy as hell. He had a great sense of humor and he was extremely intelligent. He owned a couple of lucrative franchises and used to be a big deal in the entertainment industry. He studied at NYU and hailed from Nigeria. I figured that I’d stick it out, as I needed him for his network.

He was slickster.

I’ve been on the fence about dating older men for years, but I liked him. He didn’t remind me of my father like most men his age. Our first and last date was a complete nightmare. He was completely uninterested in knowing anything about my background, my character or me. He only wanted my body. We went to a nice restaurant/lounge that offered private dining…and boy was that a big mistake. I joked with my girls about how I felt sexually assaulted every time he’d even talk to me. He didn’t give a fuck where we were at – he wanted it any and everywhere. I should have come to dinner equipped with a branch from a tree to beat his ass off of me. After turning him down for sex more than once, he decided to drop me. I was beyond relieved – that was well over a year ago.

My girl has been hounding me about how I should get in contact with him, he can’t stop asking about me, he wants another chance…blah, blah, blah. Just when I was about to give in, he reminds me once again of his intentions with me. He shows up to this gathering with his girlfriend. Hand in hand – smiling and shit.

The entire ordeal really struck a nerve with me. I’m so sick of being viewed as anything less than girlfriend material. I’m tired of being a kitten. Collins is definitely not the first, nor the last, to place me in the ‘sex object’ category. I’d like to think that I’m a quality woman. I have a good sense of direction, great sense of humor, well educated, great job, great personality and attractive. Any man I’ve dated in the past year can probably recite my measurements faster than they can name the type of degrees I’ve obtained – Bachelor’s and Master’s. I had a discussion with one of my homeboys about my dating woes and he said something that really hurt my feelings,

You’re too curvy…you’re beyond lustful. It’s really hard for any man to really focus on anything other than your body despite all that you have going on.

I’m well aware of my body, build and overall look. I’ve tried everything imaginable to tone down my look but these curves you just can’t avoid. Curvy women have it hard. Seriously. I can’t get two words out of my mouth before a man (even a woman) begins to shift their attention to my backside. Between workplace discrimination, clothing disparities, and dating – we manage to stay losing. I have to use extreme caution getting prepared for work – making sure that my lips aren’t too bright and my pantsuit isn’t too fitted. I cannot recall one instance where a stranger, or friend, hasn’t made some sort of indirect reference to a body part or hips-to-waist ratio. Our curves almost always categorize us as lustful, freaky, and/or sexy. It’s been proven that curvy women are just as addictive as drugs.

According to the researcher, Steven Platek,

Having a high hip-to-waist size ratio really gets men going. Those wider hips are generally indicative of better overall physical health, and the ability to carry healthy babies. Curvy women really do affect men’s brains, Platek said. The amount of body fat may not even matter.

There was also a study that suggested that curvy women live longer and give birth to smarter children. WTF?! I’m starting to take this indirect rejection to heart. I’d like an opportunity to meet someone that isn’t immediately enamored by my curves. I’m also sick and tired of women justifying their curves in magazines.  Good looks and dangerous curves are wonderful but substance in a woman is important.

This may be just a rant, but do you ever feel immediately categorized based on your looks? Do you think that curvy women have a harder time seriously dating than slimmer women?


7 Replies to “Curvy Girl Blues”

  1. hmm…I can agree that the curves of my body are always a topic of conversation and I don’t take offense to it because it’s truth BUT when a person becomes too infatuated with remaining on the topic it’s annoying. (Shut up I know what I’m working with!)

    The scenario you gave with Collins, I would have let him know flat out that all of that “jump my bones” talk has to stop and it would have made me take even longer to give him some IF I so chose to. Men are like children in some ways and you have to sometimes treat them as such. Yes, we hope at an older age they would have matured but they don’t! Men are visual creatures, they can’t help it. Our job is to spank their hand when they get out of line and help them focus on our brains and not just our body. (some may need a belt across the butt 🙂 )

    If you really like a guy and he’s doing a few things out of line, politely set him straight and if he’s truly interested he’ll straighten up. If he’s a rotten potato then he’ll keep stinking and you’ll throw him out!

    1. Thanks for your comment. You always provide a well-rounded and strong perspective – I truly appreciate it 🙂

      I think I am also more annoyed than offended. My biggest issue is the “association” that comes along with being curvy…that’s what really bothers me. I’m offended that men (and even other women) think it’s acceptable or fitting to categorize curvy women because of their shape or size.

      Regarding Collins, I would check him and he would flat out lie about not having an interesting in sleeping with me, while simultaneously trying to reach for my left cheek. He was a whore. Point blank.

  2. You know a friend of mine said this not too long ago. I dont get it. I can wear a long skirt with combat boots and a Knicks sweatshirt and they still only see one thing.

  3. I LOVE this article, I was JUST speaking to a friend about this!!! It seems as if im ALWAYS in situations where men are a little interested in ME but the conversation always seems to revert back to my size or how “sexy” I am or how I’m considered “trouble” because I have a more buxom figure regardless of how hard I try to “cover up” and stay away from the topic. When you figure out the solution to this problem, PLEASE let me know!! K ..Thanks!

  4. And all this time, I have been wanting for a big ole ghetto booty! LOL. But I do get a lot of attention towards my breasts and older men are the worst when it comes to that. Most men’s eyes will meet my breasts before my eyes! SMDH! Although I am not as bountiful on the backside, I get the feeling that certain men think that a curvier or plus size women are easy. I’m a size 18 and always get the “Shade in the summer, warmth in the winter” and “Like my women with extra meat on their bones hmm hmm hmm” comments. And my skinner girlfriends don’t express complaints about being oversexualized verbally or otherwise by men.

    1. Ha! I never considered what thinner women have to endure. I’d like to know if they’re verbally assaulted on the regular as well. But sexist comments annoy the hell out of me! Also, I’m 80% positive that men “initially” believe that a curvy or plus size woman may be easy.

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