Me: Grandma, I’ve invested too much time in him. I can’t just cut him off.
Grandma: What have you earned all this time? Usually when you invest, you earn something right?
Me: *Crickets* a new friend?
Grandma: Is that what you’ve been sleeping with him for, a friendship?! How is it that you are confident enough to walk around in the shortest dress in the world, weave down your back, highest heels man has ever made, but you can’t seem to get enough strength to leave this man alone!?! What have you lost? Your mind for sure!?
Me: You’re right and I lost a side of dignity.
I’m probably the nicest girl in the entire universe. Part of my problem is learning when to let go when a relationship or situation has come to an end. My grandmother, sorority sisters, friends have been singing the same tune, “CUT HIM OFF” for months. I have a very difficult time just ending things. I have several friendships with men, in particular, that have all stemmed from a relationship of some sorts.
My grandmother has told me repeatedly to cut several men off in the past – start out by being silent for 30 days. I hate playing games like this. Her logic is that 30 days is long enough for you to get over him and/or a test to see if he’ll change or follow through.
But 30 DAYS!? That’s 730 hours!?
She even suggested that if I insist on taking a phone call, I should keep the conversation to a maximum of 2 minutes. Answer the phone as if nothing is wrong and then abruptly end the phone call –you know… pretend busy. I have a problem with all of her advice for three reasons: I’m a nice person, I’m sensitive to everyone and everything, and I do not like reality checks.
(Too) Nice Girl
I’m the girl that walks around big, bad, and bold – ready to tell it like it is to anyone that crosses me. I’m slick and sassy. But when it comes to relationships, I have tons of reservations and I’m too optimistic. Catering, pleasing, and being a damsel in distress is my forte and I’m not ashamed to admit it. My father was a provider and controlled mostly everything in the household. As a direct result, I expect my man to be the same way. I love the feeling of being protected and cared for. I’m capable of making firm decisions and being assertive but I hate conflict. I’ll hit you with a few punch lines in an argument and leave it at that. Also, I had a history of bullying, harassing side-chicks and causing HAVOC among cheating ex-boyfriends. I was later deemed as crazy and silly – forcing me to change my ways and grow up. I’ve been passing out forgiveness passes for so long that people are abusing it.
As an adult, my empathy and compassion for others has been heightened. If someone does something to me, I’ll respond but I will not seek the ultimate revenge. I find comfort in knowing that anyone that has had a relationship with me can firmly say that “I was no trouble and went out like a lady.” I’m not sure if you’ve ever been ignored, but being ignored and avoided is devastating. I’ve had an ex (of almost 2 years) randomly disappear on me while I was away at school. I cried for months. It was the most hurtful experience ever! No warning, no explanation – he just disappeared. Also, I’m pretty peeved when people do not return phone calls, emails, or text messages. It’s the rudest behavior known to man. I hate being associated with anything unfair or negative. So how can I possibly ignore anyone without being labeled or viewed as rude? On top of all of that, I’m deeply tenderhearted; it’ll hurt me more to hurt someone I care about.
Reality checks are free but unwanted
Ahh…so what if you put my Grandmother’s old school remedy into practice and he never calls or follow-up? I’m not sure about you, but I’d feel like the biggest loser on the face of this Earth. The audacity of you to not care enough about me. You’re just going to let me go? Rejection is humiliating and upsetting. And being hit with this type of reality check, especially for someone you care bout, is not easy to take under any circumstances.
I’m a work in progress like most women my age. It’s my fear of rejection, my pride, and protecting my feelings that has been the downfall in letting go of expired relationships and situations. How do you deal with rejection? Have you ever cut someone off? What’s your method for moving on?
“Whose drawers are these?
You know I wear a size 4
And if you say that you’ve been faithful
Who was at your back door?
Mya – Movin On