Date Me or F*ck You!

It’s just that simple.

I’m so exhausted with this dating bullshit I’ve been experiencing this past year. Is dating nonexistent? A few weeks back I met a nice guy at a birthday gathering. He gave me the full run down of his educational and employment background – boasting about working for President Obama and being a praise dancer at church. Ok, he seems well rounded. I went on to tell him a little about myself and we proceeded to hit the dance floor. We spent a good 15 minutes dancing with each other and went our separate ways to mingle with the other partygoers. We exchanged numbers before exiting the party and that’s when he hit me with the one-two punch, “Can I come back to Brooklyn with you?” I was so disappointed and would have given him a little credit if he were drunk. Unfortunately he wasn’t. My response, “You haven’t swipe your credit card enough.”

I’ve dabbled in quite a few different types of men – rich, broke, dumb, butt ugly, and fine. I miss the guys that used to smother me with attention and affection. I even appreciate the cheating, stand-up guy who went out his way to please both me and the other girl. But what the hell is going on with men today? A dip boo buddy friend once told me that he prefers to be pursued by women. He prefers women to take the initiate and request dates. It’s the “millennium.”  I was so angry listening to that bullshit but couldn’t offer a comeback. That’s the laziest shit I’ve ever heard and any man that has that mentality should be shot. The sad reality is that there is a ton of women willing to step up to the plate and take ALL leads just to be with a man.

Maybe I missed the memo but whatever happened to dating…like real dating. Like going OUT and not making it a movie night at the crib on the 1st date. Putting thought into restaurant selections and taking note of that fact that I’ve never been to MoMA.  Should I convince myself that because a nice, decent man is a rarity that I shouldn’t expect anything more than his presence? The problem is, with dating, is that there’s an overwhelming number of bad apples in the bunch. Picking and choosing can be tedious, discouraging and time consuming.  I remember dating a guy who strategically planned dates with me every week for a month, so that by the end of the month his request for sex would be justified. He flat out said,

“I’ve done what I need to do. We’ve been dating every week. Do you want to have sex?”

How lame.

Once we’re privy to meeting a guy that wants to spend time before hitting the sheets, we might have to deal with a cast of characters: Clingy Christopher, Psycho Paul, Musty Balls Mike, and Stalker Sam. I’m not saying that dating a decent guy is impossible, but given the landscape (specifically New York City) dating has become a thorn in the ass. Men have women at their disposal. Women are very well aware of this and often times will do (or allow) anything for companionship or a man. I love black men but I’m starting to think that I should jump on the bandwagon and date outside the race. Sigh

Another issue that grinds my gears is the dynamics of dating. The dating game and rules has become extremely complicate as the decades progress. There’s no need to get to know a person when there’s Google and Facebook. Text messaging, instant messaging and Skype has destroyed the beauty in late night telephone calls. Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic, spoiled brat in me, but I want to be wooed – not poked on Facebook. I had more fun dating in high school than as a 26 year old woman. I miss the days of dates that ended with him nervous wondering if he should ask for a kiss. Now I have to practically fake a heavy period, just to avoid him demanding to come to my apartment to chill.

I’m looking forward to marriage because this dating thing isn’t for me.

What are your issues with dating? Any dating horror stories? What are your thoughts on interracial dating? Check out this article featured on Essence.com “6 Fabulous Reason to Date More Than One Man at a Time.”

Advertisements

10 Replies to “Date Me or F*ck You!”

  1. Fake a heavy period?! I do the same thing. LOL! Dating has changed drastically! I haven’t been on a date in about 3 years and we went to TGI Fridays. And the dude was boring and old enough to be my father. LOL! I’m sick of the “let’s go to your crib or my crib and make it a Blockbuster night” kind of date. That shit isn’t a real date! And dude always end up trying to get some before the movie even ends. Ugh! I miss dating in high school too. Those days seem so perfect. Sigh…

    My whole dating life has been a disaster. I don’t even know where to start with that. I have no problems with interracial dating. I’m finding out that I have more in common with Soothed (he’s white) than most men I’ve ever messed around with. I still love my brothas though but they don’t make them like they used to or so it seems. LOL!

    1. “My whole dating life has been a disaster.” – that’s the story of my dating life as well. I’ve had a few nice ones, but the most memorable experiences come from dates from hell. I can write an entire book about my hell dates. I am so relieved that I am not alone in this dating game. All this time I’m thinking it’s a regional thing and that perhaps I should move South. Guess not. LOL

      Also, I have some catching up to do regarding Soothed – I’m totally envious of your white man. I get extremely bashful and tickled when a white man even approaches me. You’re a lucky girl…

  2. OMG, you read my mind. I was dealin with a dude and when i informed him that chillin watching a movie at my place is not a first date. Not only that but when it cam down to making the effort he flat out refused. Negro please. I don’t have time for that nonsense. If I just wanted a “buddy” I would have made that VERY clear but you fakin the funk just to get what you want, I see right through that within the 1st 5 min. #endit lol

    1. Wait, so he flat out refused to take you on a real date and was upset because you refused to “chill” at home?!?! I’m getting pissed just reading your comment. I’ve had to have several “arguments” with men because I refused to “chill” vs. going on a real date. One dude called me a “stingy bitch.” LOL

  3. I’ve never faked a period because I can be quick to bluntly burst a man’s dream. I don’t have time for the madness but OMG you are so on point with this post! It’s not only in NYC but KCMO seems to be having the same issue. It’s ridiculous! I have to say it’s one reason I do miss being married.

    I’m not giving up but I sure will make it hard on a brotha to do that lazy mess with me. He’s gonna have to put some work in and if he chooses the next woman than so be it! I’m looking for a REAL MAN not one of these lazy ass boys to occupy my time. I’m willing to put in work so I expect the same!

  4. “I’m looking for a REAL MAN not one of these lazy ass boys to occupy my time. I’m willing to put in work so I expect the same!” – I could not have said it any better! There has to be some sort of universal issue if it isn’t a city/regional thing. I live a hectic life and I try to squeeze in time for small stuff – so dating can be equivalent to a part-time job at times. Why aren’t people dating anymore?! I’m satisfied with the default dinner and a movie, but even that is too much to ask for. I need someone or something to blame.

  5. I have been divorced for almost 4 yeras and dating is nothing like it was before I got married (granted that was 26 years ago). It is upsetting and depressing, but please don’t lose faith. You know your value, you know your worth, you will eventually come upon a man who recognizes those things as well and acts accordingly. Believe it and in yourself. Try to be patient and don’t stop looking.

    For the record, lazy comes in all races. Black men don’t talk to me or approach me, yet they will holler at me from the window of a passing car or say something lecherous to me when they pass me on the street (WTF?). I primarily date white men and they can be just as lazy and all about the sex too.

    I certainly don’t discourage interracial dating since I practice it and my children are a product of an interracial marriage, but to black women who have never dated a white man I offer the following advice, from my personal experience.

    If you’re open to dating white (or any other race) men, act open to it when you’re around them. Black women can be intimidating to white men especially, and they (white men) tend to think they have no chance, so why bother to even approach and ask. I’ve talked to enough of them and heard this rhetoric enough to believe its true.

    I always ask white men I’m dating (or considering dating) if they have ever dated a black woman before. If you ask this question pay attention to the answer. Not just the answer, but HOW they answer (body language, eye contact, etc.). I’m not interested in being a man’s “experiement” — that’s not to say that I won’t date a man who has never dated a black woman but his answer of “no, never” better be delivered without drooling and staring at my chest.

    From my Match.com experience I found that some white men will actually take me out on a date, pay for dinner, a movie, drinks, and won’t ask or act as if they expecct sex at the end. They’ll do it continuously, but just as you said about your experience with one man in particular, at the end of a certain amount of time, they too feel they’ve put in their time and money and expect sex. It’s just the sad state of MEN these days.

    Take heart though, there are good ones, in every race. You just have to weed out the bullshit. I’ve been dating one man for over a year who just the other day told me (by text no less) “I realized early on that you would be “worth” any efforts that I would have to put forth to have you be a part of my life. And then the more time we spent together I realized that was a drastic understatement. I NEED you for my WHOLE life.” I might just be keeping this one. 🙂

    You’re 26 and while this is that awful time of year when people are hooking up to NOT be single over the holidays — be patient and don’t settle. You’ve got time and you’re certainly worth the effort.

    Wishing you the best!

  6. You are my blog fix for this Saturday. I started my blog focusing on dating issues because dating is non existent in Jamaica. I changed my blog after the fifth or so post because I gave up on dating. I am horrified by what I see happening and the experiences that I had and that my girlfriends have
    shared with me. I wont go into it because your post and the comments so far have been quite exact. But i must say its good to read other people’s experiences because it seemed in my small circle that I was the only one getting it wrong. I thoughtssomething must be wrong with me. I have no issues with interracial dating but in Jamaica there isnt much opportunity for such.

Let's Chat!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s